Don’t spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have asked for…I’m testing you.
Don’t be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it…it makes me feel secure.
Don’t correct me in front of people if you can help it…I’ll take much more notice if you talk to me in private.
Don’t make me feel that my mistakes are sins. It upsets my sense of values.
Don’t be too upset if I say ‘I hate you’. It isn’t that I hate you; I only need your attention.
Don’t protect me from my consequences. I need to learn that way.
Don’t take too much notice of my small ailments. Sometimes they get me the attention I want.
Don’t nag. If you do, I shall have to protect myself by appearing deaf.
Don’t make rash promises. Remember that I feel badly let down when they are broken.
Don’t forget that I can’t explain myself as well as I should. This is why I’m not always accurate.
Don’t tax my honesty too much. I am easily frightened into telling lies.
Don’t be inconsistent. That completely confuses me and makes me lose my faith in you.
Don’t put me off when I ask you questions. If you do, you will find that I stop asking and seek my information elsewhere.
Don’t tell me my fears are silly. They are terribly real and you can do much to understand.
Don’t ever think it beneath your dignity to apologise to me. An honest apology makes me feel surprisingly warm to you.
Don’t forget how quickly I am growing up. It must be very difficult for you to keep pace with me but please try.
Don’t forget that I love experimenting. I couldn’t get along without it, so please put up with it.
Don’t forget that I can’t thrive without lots of love. But I don’t need to tell you that, do I?
(Author Unknown – used from Michael Grose parenting pages)
Every now and again I read this and remember what an important job that parents have in guiding and nurturing their young. Parenting is more of a generic term that refers more to a set of behaviors that we engage in to raise our children. It refers to the environment that we try to establish as adults and a set of behaviors that we engage in to raise our children. While most people would agree that raising children is an irrational experience, the art and craft known as parenting is irrefutably rational. A child does X so the parent does Y. A parent does C in the hope that a child will do D and so forth. Very logical and rational!
However, being a father or a mother is not about rationality. It is steeped in emotion and that is why at times we find it is so difficult to raise our children. Our hopes, dreams, fears and anxieties prevent rationality at times when raising our children. Thus, it is the emotion involved in being a father or a mother that makes us go out on a limb for our children, worry about them and if necessary devote all of our physical and mental resources to them.
There are times when being a parent is contradictory to being a father or mother. The parent in you may say that it is good for my child to struggle a little and become frustrated at times when trying to learn a new skill. The struggle will strengthen them and promote resilience and their ability to bounce back when things get tough. BUT that is the logical side of us. The father or mother in us wants to protect your child from hurt or harm and smooth the way as much as possible. But at what cost does this come? Reading the above advice from the young child gives me a sense that we need to really listen to their needs and what is required to help them grow and become the wonderful young person that God intended them to become.
Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."
Ephesians 6:4 "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
“There is life after the HSC (Higher School Certificate)”
For many students, parents and carers who are in the midst of exams talk of UAI’s, course selection and stress, this statement seems unimaginable. However, according to Professor Gavin Brown, Vice Chancellor of the University of Sydney, “In many ways life begins after the HSC. While the UAI may be a good indicator of a student’s ability, it cannot predict the many opportunities that lie ahead.” I encourage all students and parents to embrace this notion as the weeks and months ahead can be filled with excitement and at times fraught with anxious conversations and decisions regarding future courses and employment options.
Immediately after the exams are finished both students and parents may feel relieved about the end of their schooling. This is a time to celebrate the achievement of getting through high school as this is a wonderful achievement in itself and gives them the message that you are proud of them and the score that they receive is incidental. The end of high school can be seen as the start of the next and usually most stimulating period of a child’s life in which they have options and choices to really discover their talents and passions.
Sadly though, the period between the end of the last exam and the result day in December can be even harder and more uncomfortable than the exams themselves. Feelings of helplessness can arrive, as there is nothing left to study or do to change the results. Some parents and students may even find themselves wandering aimlessly. I remember a few years ago a parent contacting me after their child’s last exam and asking what now, what does my child do on Monday? My advice was simple to the mother and her child. Relax, go to a movie, catch up with friends, do the chores around the house that they have been neglecting. If your student doesn’t already have a part time job put their resumes out to try and get a job over the summer.
Around the time when the results come out quite often families can be too emotionally drained to celebrate or regroup as they have spent time walking on eggshells and anticipating the UAI results. Parents and students should recognise that feeling on edge and unhappy can be a natural response to this situation. Parents, feel free to talk with your children, pray with them and for them at this time and discuss openly the options and choices that they are facing. But remember that your and child are not alone as the school is still here as a support network and to help guide you in the direction that is helpful for your child. We look forward to celebrating together once the exams are finished and the results are out at a morning tea, date and time to be advised.
Young children appear to be compelled by curiosity, driven by an intense need to explore their world, to interact with others and to make sense of their environment. As James Raffini (1993) put it "rarely does one hear parents complain that their pre-schooler is unmotivated". As children grow their passion for learning frequently seems to shrink and learning becomes associated with drudgery rather than delight. Here at Cedars our aim is to have every child engaged in the learning process and to reach their potential in a caring and Christian environment.
How can you motivate your child to learn if they have become unmotivated? Some students are internally or intrinsically motivated, they are hard wired to always do their best. Their self esteem is dependent on being successful so if they know that they have a good chance of achieving they will generally keep trying to reach their goals. Many children are not so motivated and need more than good teaching to get them to learn. A range of strategies may be needed to help them to learn to motivate or extend themselves. Strategies you can use may include:
• Establishing short term goals with your child so that they can experience success and setting some longer term goals so that they have set goals to work towards
• Making learning enjoyable with fun games and activities, we all learn and work better when we are enjoying the task and the environment in which we are working in
• Healthy competition may be needed by some students to aim for a higher score or achieve the next grade, boys often like this form of competition
• Provide activities of high interest or immediate relevance to your child's life
• Use small tangible rewards (stickers or awards) to encourage your child to achieve their goals, children that need such rewards are externally or extrinsically motivated and perform in order to obtain some reward or avoid some punishment, they do tend to only put in the minimum effort necessary at times to get the maximum rewards
• Praise and encourage your child as this can be a huge motivator for many children who will strive for parental as well as teacher approval and recognition
Research suggests that purpose and relevance are essential for all children to learn but the great challenge for parents and teachers alike is to keep children interested in the learning process. It is our mission here at Cedars Christian College to meet the needs of all students to work together with staff, parents and the church to inspire and lead children to reach their potential in a caring and Christian environment.
Self esteem is a major key to success in life. The development of a positive self concept or healthy sense of self is extremely important to the happiness and success of our children and teenagers.
Self esteem is all about how we feel about ourselves and our behaviour clearly reflects those feelings. For example; a child with high self esteem will be able to act independently, assume responsibility, take pride in their accomplishments, tolerate frustration, attempt new tasks and challenges, handle positive and negative emotions and have resilience to bounce back from difficult situations.
On the other hand a child with low self esteem will avoid trying new things, feel unloved and unwanted, blame others for their own shortcomings, feel or pretend to feel emotionally indifferent, be unable to tolerate a normal level of frustration, not acknowledge his or her own talents and abilities and be easily influenced by others.
Parents can promote their child’s self esteem and often do without realizing that their words and actions have a great impact on how their child or teenager feels about himself or herself.
Here are a few other suggestions that may help:
• When you feel good about your child, mention it to him or her
• Be generous with praise – be descriptive about what you are proud of
• Teach your child to practice making positive self statements
• Avoid criticism that takes the form of ridicule or shame
• Teach your child about decision making and recognize when he or she has made a good decision
• Develop a positive approach to providing structure for your child.
Mrs Zancolich has worked in schools as a Psychologist for many years and has also worked in private practice. She has a passion for helping young people to become the best that they can be.
Mrs Zancolich’s role involves working with students from Prep to Year 12 who have been referred by their class teachers, parents or themselves from Monday to Wednesday each week. As a Psychologist Mrs Zancolich is able to help young people to reach their potential academically, socially, emotionally and spiritually using a range of programs, strategies and techniques. She is often involved in classroom activities, leadership programs, stress management and relaxation activities for senior students as well as helping staff and parents with issues that arise.
Parents can access student counseling through their classroom teachers while students can find Mrs Zancolich in M4 or leave a note at the office to make an appointment. Please note that during Term 2 Sharon will be taking leave but she will be back in Term 3. She can also be contacted via email at: szancolich@cedars.nsw.edu.au
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